THE CHARACTERS WE MEET, EP.1: Gui.

   There are certain... Personalities... that we come across, and have to deal with,  while working within the restaurant, bar, and hospitality industries. I find that there are about 4 main types but I would classify as our nemesis', or at the very least, our frenemies. These are the people that make our lives difficult, day after day. However, these are also the people who keep us employed, as they continue to ignore our advice, and our warnings, resulting in ever larger invoices.  
   Today I will introduce you to the first, whom I have named Gui(Ghee).  If you are unfamiliar with this French origin nickname, it is the short form of Guillaume. If you live in the Southern United States, you might be familiar with the Spanish version, Guillermo. I imagine there are many other derivatives, but the name is not actually important. You may call this guy whatever you like. I don't wish to be gender biased here, but in my personal experience, this personality type is male, about 80% of the time.  Even if this person was born female, they trend toward a traditionally masculine vibe, and a ham-fisted attitude and approach, in how they deal with the world around them.
   When dealing with Gui, at least in the context of a restaurant, one can expect to hear the phrase, "Relax bro, it's fine! Just watch the girls dance!" Gui will never be fired. Sometimes he introduces himself as the owner, but never actually is. At least, not more than a 5% stake.  He or she is usually employed out of nepotism. If not, it is because Gui either knows how to, or is willing to deal with something in the restaurant, that is absolutely crucial to operation. It might be that they are willing to clean out the grease trap. Gui is probably sleeping with the GM, or the owner, or the owner's spouse. Gui might be the only person, within 500 MI, who still knows how to program and operate the restaurants 38 year old, IBM POS system. Whatever the case is, Gui is invincible, and will continue to fail up. 
   What is more, Gui is a cancer, and I ain't talkin' Horoscopes.  Gui is absolutely convinced that he or she knows everything there is to know about that building, that restaurant, restaurant in general, and most of all, whatever it is you are there to fix. He also trains everyone in the restaurant how to operate the equipment, and trains them incorrectly. He is the sort of schmuck who will train you how to use a beer FOB incorrectly, opening the bypass and float lifter before burping the bubbles out, and then trying to burp the bubbles out while the line refills. She will argue up and down that this is the correct way, despite the manufacturers instructions being posted right next to the device they are abusing.[And it even has pictures!]
     Gui is also, always, the person who dicks with the regulator settings, because some uncle of theirs was a bartender... 40 years ago... in Italy....which is kind of close to Germany. Meanwhile, he is fiddling with pressures on an English Brown pub ale. 
   Gui is the sort of shithead who will do their own glycol change, refilling a 40 gallon multiplex chiller, that is on top of the walk-in where all the food is kept, and use automotive antifreeze to do so. But, "Relax bro, it's fine!  That customer was mostly blind already!"  
  Gui is the gal who thinks that the wait staff is her personal harem, talks a big talk about her conquests, yet lives at home, despite being well into their 30s.  Yes, Gui does, In fact drive, either a Firebird, or a Fiero GT, unless of course, they have a lifted Chevy blazer, or an H1 Hummer,["Cause it's like Blowjob, Bro!"] which, of course, sports a pair of those rubber testicles, hanging from the trailer hitch.  A trailer hitch that has never towed anything, and isn't even installed correctly.
     Gui also wants to argue with you, about every charge on your invoice.  You simply have to have your responses pre-loaded. Example: "Hey Bro, what is this trip charge for?" Asks Gui.
  "Well," you reply, "it covers vehicle costs, travel time, and the first 15 minutes of my call, when I diagnose the issue ." 
   Gui responds, "But I told you the problem. There  was no diagnosis needed." 
   You retort. "So, if I order food to go, do I pay less, cause no one was waiting on me?  Plus, you only told me what one of the problems was. You also had your pressure adjusted incorrectly, your condenser was completely plugged, all of your FOBs are in bypass, your Guinness is set too low by 10 lb, and the Guinness faucet is missing all of the guts." 
   Gui will argue over price of every item. You will explain that your prices are your prices, which are not set by you, but rather by your boss. If you are the boss you will explain that you buy quality stuff, because if you don't, and it breaks, he's going to be pissed at you for selling him crap. He will complain about the time. You will remind him that you sat in traffic for an hour and a half, and only charged him a flat rate service call fee.  He will ask why your rates are "so high" to which you will reply,"Because, Joe Schmuckatelli's line cleaning service will show up, tell you all the same things I did, but not have any of the parts on his truck, to fix it. He will charge you travel time, both ways, to go get the parts. He will buy cheap garbage. He will take just as long to perform the work. And in 2 weeks, when that incorrect and cheap part breaks, you will call me, and pay the same anyways. But you were smart enough to call me the first time."
   The best way to deal with Gui, is to be firm, but calm. Also, stroke his ego just a little. It will go a long way. Play along with the banter, just enough that he feels smart or funny. If you can manage to walk this tightrope, you will learn about the other side of Gui.  On the flip side, despite the bravado, he is usually warm, and personable. He will usually offer you food, often practically forcing it on you.  If you come in with friends or family, you will be VIP.  And once you gain his trust, he will remain loyal.  Just remember the 3 rules of a service call: 
1. Be up front about all possible charges, and manage expectations regarding outcome, including timelines. 
2. Check the entire system before starting, and before leaving. 
3. Write a novel about what you did and why , and make them sign it.  Blame if your repair is just a Band-Aid to get through the weekend, and what this still required and recommended, and have this part initialed.  try to schedule the follow-up appointment before you leave, and have it initialed.
   To summarize, be honest, be thorough, and cover your ass. 
   And don't take any shit from Gui. 

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