Beer IS Food!

  As we head into the Thanksgiving holiday, a lot of us have food on the brain. As well we should. When we are dealing with craft Brewers, and bar people, alone, it is never difficult to explain the concept of beer as food. Yet, for some strange reason, this is a difficult concept for chefs, and restaurant GM's to absorb, at times.

   One great thing about this job is that you get to have the same conversation over and over again. "How is this great?", you might ask. It's great because you get to practice. How many times in your personal life have you walked away from an argument feeling like you've lost it, and an hour or so later thinking of the perfect retort. It is because we have the same arguments over and over, we get to develop the perfect retort in advance.  

   I will give you an example.  I was called to get a beer system running in a restaurant that was quite old, but had been purchased by a new owner. They were spending tens of thousands of dollars to renovate the dining room and the kitchen.  The beer system was at least 10 years old. The trunk line was in decent condition, and good for another four or five years. The  McDamtim Blender was fine. Everything else was absolute garbage. The beer tower was an eight faucet box tower that was a poorly converted air-cooled tower. Someone had zip tied a pass of 3/8 ID poly tubing to a line of brass shanks, without any cold blocks. They had packed in a little foil tape, and enclosed it all with tar impregnated cork tape. This was covered with dollar store duct tape. The remainder of the box had been filled with wool insulation. The drip tray was brass, and had rotted through in several places, which had been patched with radiator putty. No two restriction lines were the same length. From the tower to where it tied in to the trunk line, the bundle was wearing a wetsuit. That is to say that the armaflex was completely saturated from condensation intrusion, and was flattened to an approximate thickness of 1/8 of an inch. The glycol chiller was a 12-year-old international Carbonics chiller. This unit was cutting edge in the mid-90s. However this was 2009. As nice as the chiller was, I always felt, personally, that it was over complicated. There was a relay and circuit board assembly in the unit that seemed to serve no other purpose than to burn out after seven or eight years. I would be able to save it, but it would require a new temperature control, a new pumping motor, obviously new glycol,and a complete rewire, except for the lead to the refrigeration deck. 

     The NADS Regulators were rusted so badly that my first attempt to adjust one resulted in a blowout, as well as the adjustment screw shearing off.  The fobs were good to go, but would need a thorough cleaning. All the vinyl drop lines and gas lines required replacement. They also needed a backup and switch over for the nitrogen. 

   The realistic estimate came out to about $2, 450 before tax. I quoted a worse case of $2,800, to account for unforeseen difficulties.  The chef and his other owner/partner, and acting general manager, both were upset by my estimate. One of them made the mistake of saying the words, "It's only beer."  You know, fighting words. And I was spoilin, that day. 

     I asked them what they expected the ROI to be, for the kitchen upgrades. They estimated 9 to 15 months. I asked them what they expected the ROI on the dining room renovations to be. They couldn't even guess. I explained to them that if I were to simply get it running, as it was, it would still cost $1,300, at minimum. It would also pour crappy beer, that would make people sick, and the waste generated would be at least 30% of the beer that they attempted to pour. If I conservatively estimated one keg, per line, per week, plus another two kegs, for the most popular beers, just the cost of their beer waste would be just over $1,500 per month. If they allowed me to do the repairs I recommended, their maximum waste per month would be around $260. They would save $1,240 in the first month. By the end of their quarter, my repairs would be over $1,000 into the black. And that is only measured against the cost of the beer.

   The next question I asked of the chef.  Since it was a steakhouse, I asked him what his signature steak was. He described for me a, 32oz, grass fed, 28-day-dry-aged, cowboy cut, ribeye. My next question, no exaggeration, was, "Do you serve that steak in a rusty Volkswagen hubcap?" This seemed to magically cause his ears to open. I explained to him one of the intangibles, saying, "If a patron gets an upset tummy, and a touch of the goopy poopies, they are not going to blame the draft beer. They are going to blame the salad, or the steak. And that customer will tell at least seven people that you gave them food poisoning. So when you factor that in, when calculating the ROI of your cooktop, assume that one in five people who drink beer from the system, as it is, will reduce the number of steaks you sell by at least eight.  And this is durring your first, and most crucial year. 

   Second, the Brewer who developed that beautiful IPA, or nut brown, or smoked Porter, or even that domestic macro light lager, did so with a level of expertise, care, and consideration for exactly what it should taste like. He or she cooked the grains to a specific heat and length. They developed, and cared for, and nurtured a yeast culture, that is sometimes hundreds of years old. They tuned, and guarded that specific hops blend, and balance of spice notes. They chose that perfect moment to stop the Brewing process, at the height of flavor and nuance. How can you, as a chef, slap them in the face with the comment of, "it's only beer."

    Last, if a customer enjoys your lovely steak, accompanied with a properly paired, exquisitely presented beer, they will have a lovely time. They will sadly, only till three friends, but they will return, and they will bring friends and family. Everything you serve should be presented to enhance and showcase your restaurant's culture and food. And your local craft Brewer, or knowledgeable distributor rep likely knows as much about their offering of beer as your sommelier knows about your wine cellar. They can help your product soar, and will partner with you, to promote your new restaurant, often for the simple commitment of one or two faucets, for six months. The value that that could represent is near impossible to value. However, I assure you that the extra $1,500 I am asking you to spend today will be the best investment you have made in your entire renovation." 

   The spent $2650 on the upgrade. They sold 28 kegs in their opening week with a yeild of about 98%.  I got 11referrals from them. A little passion goes a long way. 

Happy Thanksgiving.

Dan Broaddus